Chinedu closed for work on Friday July 7th, this year and decided to give any lady that came his way a lift.
After the 2nd turn from his office along Ikorodu expressway, he saw a Catholic Sister and gave her a lift.
While they were going; he did not know how to start a conversation with her, therefore, he placed his hand on her laps pretending as if it was the gear stick.
The Sister softly said "Matthew 7:7"; He quickly removed his hand, and resumed concentrating on his driving.
He attempted it a second and third time, and each time, she repeated, "Matthew 7:7".
When the Sister got to her destination, she opened the door and said to the man, "Young man, The problem with you is that you don't read your Bible"
When the man got home,he opened his Bible to Matthew 7:7; which reads "Ask and it shall be given".
He was really sorry for himself.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Only God Knows The Answer
In a certain school, it was time for exams and everybody started preparing themselves for that BIG day.
When the day came, they all got into the hall and got settled. Finally the paper came and a very popular student discovered that he didn'know the answers to any of the questions that were asked.
He couldn't jolly well leave and look stupid to all his classmates, so while waiting for the exam period to end, he wrote "only God knows the answer" after every question.
When the scripts were returned to the students, the teached noted, "God gets an A+, you get an F-".
When the day came, they all got into the hall and got settled. Finally the paper came and a very popular student discovered that he didn'know the answers to any of the questions that were asked.
He couldn't jolly well leave and look stupid to all his classmates, so while waiting for the exam period to end, he wrote "only God knows the answer" after every question.
When the scripts were returned to the students, the teached noted, "God gets an A+, you get an F-".
Nigerians are too much
Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Nigerians up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they've got Maggi sauce and Ogbono soup all over their robes; hamhocks, Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto bones are all over the streets of Gold.
Some folk are walking around with one wing, they have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are soda bottles all over the clouds, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their hairstyles."
The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil."
The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the.! ...!, hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?"
The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."
The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold.
After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"
The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't belieee.....hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.
The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians put the fire out, and now they are trying to install air conditioning! They even bribed my guys!!"
Some folk are walking around with one wing, they have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are soda bottles all over the clouds, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their hairstyles."
The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil."
The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the.! ...!, hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?"
The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."
The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold.
After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"
The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't belieee.....hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.
The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians put the fire out, and now they are trying to install air conditioning! They even bribed my guys!!"
Naija Police
A man was going around 1.00am alone in his car, he got to a check point.
The policeman stopped him and asked for everything which he gave out.
The police had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said; "I charge you for driving alone at this time of the day, if you come get accident now who go go tell your people?"
The man replied: I'm not alone, Jesus Christ is with me here, Angel Gabriel, Angel Rapheal, Angel Micheal and five angels are with me here.
The policeman said: "all these people inside this your small car? I charge you for overloading!!!
The policeman stopped him and asked for everything which he gave out.
The police had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said; "I charge you for driving alone at this time of the day, if you come get accident now who go go tell your people?"
The man replied: I'm not alone, Jesus Christ is with me here, Angel Gabriel, Angel Rapheal, Angel Micheal and five angels are with me here.
The policeman said: "all these people inside this your small car? I charge you for overloading!!!
Nigerian Hunters
A European pilot came to Nigeria and hired two local hunters to help him get some 'bush meat'. He dropped them in the forest in a chartered plane and returned a week later to pick them up.
He looked at the 'bush meat' they had shot. "There is no way the plane can take all this bush meat. We will have to leave a third of it behind."
"But we did it last year", the hunters insisted. "The pilot took the two of us and the same amount of bush meat in a plane just like yours"
The pilot hesitated, but then decided to take their word for it. "Well, if you did it last year, I suppose we can do it again this year."
The plane took off. As it approached a nearby mountain, it could not gain height. it crashed into the side of the mountain. The pilot and the hunters crawled out of the plane, dazed but glad to be alive.
"I wonder where we are," the pilot asked. One of the hunters looked around, "Don't worry, I think we are just 15 metres east of where we crashed last year."
He looked at the 'bush meat' they had shot. "There is no way the plane can take all this bush meat. We will have to leave a third of it behind."
"But we did it last year", the hunters insisted. "The pilot took the two of us and the same amount of bush meat in a plane just like yours"
The pilot hesitated, but then decided to take their word for it. "Well, if you did it last year, I suppose we can do it again this year."
The plane took off. As it approached a nearby mountain, it could not gain height. it crashed into the side of the mountain. The pilot and the hunters crawled out of the plane, dazed but glad to be alive.
"I wonder where we are," the pilot asked. One of the hunters looked around, "Don't worry, I think we are just 15 metres east of where we crashed last year."
Nigerian Hunters
A European pilot came to Nigeria and hired two local hunters to help him get some 'bush meat'. He dropped them in the forest in a chartered plane and returned a week later to pick them up.
He looked at the 'bush meat' they had shot. "There is no way the plane can take all this bush meat. We will have to leave a third of it behind."
"But we did it last year", the hunters insisted. "The pilot took the two of us and the same amount of bush meat in a plane just like yours"
The pilot hesitated, but then decided to take their word for it. "Well, if you did it last year, I suppose we can do it again this year."
The plane took off. As it approached a nearby mountain, it could not gain height. it crashed into the side of the mountain. The pilot and the hunters crawled out of the plane, dazed but glad to be alive.
"I wonder where we are," the pilot asked. One of the hunters looked around, "Don't worry, I think we are just 15 metres east of where we crashed last year."
He looked at the 'bush meat' they had shot. "There is no way the plane can take all this bush meat. We will have to leave a third of it behind."
"But we did it last year", the hunters insisted. "The pilot took the two of us and the same amount of bush meat in a plane just like yours"
The pilot hesitated, but then decided to take their word for it. "Well, if you did it last year, I suppose we can do it again this year."
The plane took off. As it approached a nearby mountain, it could not gain height. it crashed into the side of the mountain. The pilot and the hunters crawled out of the plane, dazed but glad to be alive.
"I wonder where we are," the pilot asked. One of the hunters looked around, "Don't worry, I think we are just 15 metres east of where we crashed last year."
Duties Of A Wife
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had giventheir new wives duties.
The 1st man had married an Asian woman
and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple of days but on the 3rd day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.
The 2nd man had married a White woman.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the 1st day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the 3rd day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The 3rd man married a Black woman.
He boasted that he had told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the 1st day he didn't' see anything, the 2nd day he didn't see anything but by the 3rd day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye; enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper.
The 1st man had married an Asian woman
and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple of days but on the 3rd day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.
The 2nd man had married a White woman.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the 1st day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the 3rd day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The 3rd man married a Black woman.
He boasted that he had told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the 1st day he didn't' see anything, the 2nd day he didn't see anything but by the 3rd day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye; enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
